Squeezing Life Out of Life

There’s a quote, and I quote :-) “God put us on this earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don’t know.” I don’t remember where I first saw it. I like to remember where I first saw things. I think it was the mid-90s. Anyway, it always brings a smile.

I do believe that we were all put on this earth for a purpose - containing a number of smaller or not-so-clear purposes. The afore-mentioned “others” have theirs, too.  There’s another quote I came across in the mid-90s; this one by Woodrow Wilson: “We are not here merely to make a living, but to enrich the world with a finer spirit of hope and achievement and we impoverish ourselves if we forget the errand.”

Then, there’s the adult-life awakening I experienced as I came to be at peace with myself and stopped listening to the voices of the fears in my head. It was at the time I started my CYOPro blog…oh. I’m here. Yes, this blog. And, I was able to put into words my thoughts that the many dimensions to me are no surprise to my Maker. I was at last settled in the truth that I ought not to be “so heavenly-minded that I am no earthly good.” I’m a multi-dimensional creature trying to squeeze every bit of life out of life to the pleasure of my Creator.

So, when it itched to the point where I could no longer ignore it on the 23^rd of May, I had to scratch. I published a post out of the ordinary, about a matter that I do not ordinarily address in this space. And, I’m glad I did. (All blog posts for Jamaica Blog Day.)For, there are some things that simply will not ease up; will not let you go gently into that good night, until you drop what you are doing to do what you have to. And, I believe that if you have the power and the ability to do a service to make the world a better place, and you don’t do it? There will be a certain something that will eat at you and torment you and fill you with rest-of-your-life angst and regret. We have heard it over and over: no one can be you or be as good a you as you are. So, might as well get on with being yourself. For me, it is spiritual. I continually ask God to help me be the best of the me He created me to be. And, quite frankly, I need all His help I can get.

Sometimes, you don’t know the difference you make. I wrote about that a few years ago. You do something or write something or help someone and the deed takes on a life of its own as it traverses personal space or cyberspace and ignores geographical and other boundaries and deposits seeds of hope or wonder or delight into ready or waiting or yearning or aching hearts for such a moment as this. And this. And this. As moment begets moment, the effects of your deed take on new life and new meaning. It is a beautiful thing. Remember that favourite line of mine from that low-keyed movie? “Funny, isn’t it, how one moment can change a million after it?” (How She Move) Yeah, it’s kinda like that.

As for “squeezing life out of life”? It is easier said than done with all the responsibilities and commitments and obligations of day-to-day yadda yadda yawn. There are a couple of notions at play, here. One, that life has to be fun and exciting (read: filled with travel and/or wild adventurous things) and so on and so forth. For some, so it is. For some, not so much. Does it really mean that human beings are not living their lives to the fullest if they’re not doing totally wicked! things every day? I’d say it depends on what’s “totally wicked” as far as each of us is concerned. One size doesn’t fit all and…know what? Even in a generational context, one size still doesn’t fit all. 

To give you an idea of what was “totally wicked” for me as a teenager in Jamaica: One of my long-held desires was to one day climb that grand old tree out by Ferry. (Mountains and huge trees calm me. I think it’s the stature and majesty of them.) This one stood overpoweringly, amidst lesser trees, south west of the Ferry Police Station. And, every so often as I travelled to Kingston, I’d brush off my dream and picture myself scurrying…ok, not scurrying, but, climbing its huge branches all the way to the top. There was just one little…umm, hitch. I was – and still am – terrified of li*ards. I somehow couldn’t figure out a way, even in my daydream, to get rid of them; imagining them just waiting to terrorize me in the yet-to-be-climbed tree. Well, suffice it to say, on one of my trips back to Jamaica, I looked to see whether that tree was still standing. It was not. There it lay, a shadow of its former glory, roots hoisted in the air. It didn't look as though it had been brought down by act of man. I think one of the hurricanes uprooted it. I’m (mostly) over it.

So, yes, one person’s definition of a “totally wicked” life, is likely not the same as another’s. “Totally wicked” might be defined as “absolutely fulfilling” for some.  And, well, I need say no more on that.

Another notion is that the definition is wont to change over time. I don't desire to climb trees, anymore. (For the record.) When folks bother to ask what I do for fun, it’s easy for me to tell them that I write or read or watch movies. (That’s someone’s definition of boring, I imagine.) Still, that doesn’t mean that I don’t look forward to going out and talking to, y’know, people, once in a while. Ok. It’s not that bad. Point is, travel and get-togethers are also on the list occasionally. And, glad you asked. Yes, I’ve decided to do more of that now. I’ve attained a higher level of peace after off-loading to the Lord the other day. Hadn’t realized how much stuff/worry I’d accumulated since the years-ago awakening – even with all the recent decluttering. So, as I mentioned to someone the other day, I’m free, single and able to do whatever the heck I want. I said heck.

Some of that squeezing life out of life and “living it to its last drop” (Erma Bombeck) means doing for others. Some of that doing will get no recognition whatsoever. But, that’s okay. My duty is to be obedient and show up – even when I don’t want to. (Lord, You want me to do what?) Scroll up. That’s why I need all His help I can get. Serving should be done cheerfully. It doesn’t even have to make sense to neck. There is one thing that He seems to have built into serving/helping others. When you do something with all your heart, and you give it your best? You get a nice, warm feeling of joy in your spirit. And, you can’t help but think that He is pleased.

Claudia 

www.cyopro.com

www.twitter.com/cyopro

Working at Relaxing

For those of us who are constantly on the go; the ones who are always working, working, working - for real, that is - it takes that much longer to unwind. Am I right or am I right? I told my friend Debbie that I am trying to "sit still" while on vacation. She didn't miss a beat in telling me that "they'd have to tie you down." Lol!

Reluctantly, but knowingly, I had to agree with her. It just takes a while to bring my thoughts to slow motion; to a pace where I can take a second look at each one and decide whether to entertain it. More often than not, even when I do not have the time, I milk a thought to its logical or illogical end. And, most of those times, it's about solving a problem. Imagine, then, when I have several problems on the go!

I use the word "problems" loosely. Simply, a situation that needs to be addressed and which presents more than one option. Because, that's essentially what they all come down to. The thing is, sometimes it's a matter of not liking the better or right solution. Usually, the better or right solution comes packaged with a longer waiting period; higher cost; more work/effort and so on. But, it is what it is. And, kicking and screaming or going gently into that good night, we eventually have to make a decision.

Being on vacation of course does not mean being away from situations that require clarity of thought, good judgement and workable solutions. But, thankfully, the day-to-day is different - mostly for the better. It offers a prolonged moment of not having to deal with the stress of work and commuting and the like. "Time away" is usually time spent - or, invested, if you like - with family and/or friends. If you do get away from it (and them) all, and, if you're "tight like that", you may find that your mind is constantly on it (and them), anyway. Ever get that?

I've been working at relaxing and trying to convince myself that it's okay, (no, really), not to have the answer for a million and one things; that no one really expects me to and I can de-clutter that space in my mind that stores answers for the just-in-case questions and situations. (As if you don't do that, too!) Nature abhors a vacuum, though. So, what do I do with the new space I eke out? Well, vacation-type stuff may arise. On the stress metre, those are at a manageable level. Outside of that, hardly anything else is of concern. Of course, there's always time for writing. I'm either thinking of writing or #amwriting. The biggest "problem" that presents is something along the lines of deciding what to title a blog post. ;-)

And that level of relaxation is okay. It's okay. No, really.



Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

At For-ty, I'm Beginning to Understand...

One of the things I'm beginning to understand is that I am only beginning to understand certain things.  There is still much ground to cover.  (I remember the saying: "God put me on this earth to accomplish a number of things.  I'm so far behind, I'll never die!" LOL!) Very few are the things that I fully understand - given hindsight and frame of reference and perspective and experience and what not.

I had a bout of illness the other day.  Apparently, when you're not in the best of health, that's one of the first and primary avenues to putting things into perspective.  All of a sudden, the bright light does appear.  It shines on everything around you, allowing you to assert and focus, with unparalleled clarity, on what really matters; what is important.  As it happened, this slump - yes, let's call it that.  Or, we could also call it this slipping under the radar, happened at For-ty.  Ah!  In time to help me shape my understanding of the necessity of being healthy, even as I began to understand a heck of a lot more things.

At For-ty (and, as I'd said just after celebrating my birthday earlier this year, writing it with the hyphen just makes it sound pre-tty), I'm beginning to understand that no matter how grown up I am, my mother will always be Mother.  We have the same age difference between us.  She loves me just as much as she did when she gave birth to me. She still has that maternal instinct.  Even when we disagree, I can count on her still liking me and loving me.  She is always looking out for my best interest, and, if I choose not to speak to her on certain matters, she finds other matters, until we get back to the matter at hand.  I'm beginning to understand that as long as she is alive, she will continue to pray for me and her support will be reliable.

I'm beginning to understand that my dad is prouder of me than he'd say to my face. (He does say it to others.) I'm beginning to understand that he prays for me and has high hopes for me and supports me more than I think, well, used to think.  Though, honestly, it's not something to which I gave a lot of thought.  That he is happy that I am a good role model for my sisters and that I help them when I can.

I'm beginning to understand that sisters are...my sisters are a mix of sisters and friends and mean more to me than my closest friends.  I'm beginning to understand that my closest friends are like my sisters. 

I'm beginning to understand the value of having a brother-in-law with whom "the family" gets along; who is liked.  Seeing myself through the eyes of someone coming from "outside",  I've accepted that sometimes I could do things better; be nicer - it helps me strive to be a better person.  Thankfully, there are more times when I am appreciated and admired.  And, at all times, respected.

I'm beginning to understand that having a niece that I can "borrow" for my "kid-fix" is priceless!  Especially so when that niece is, for like, 90% of the time, an absolute pleasure to be around.  The conversations we have are uncomplicated...simple and creative.  I'm beginning to understand that the world as seen through the eyes of a 2 and 1/2 year old is, shall we say, a different place.  Her view of the world seems to be borne out of her being one word: Fearless!  She grabs it, dives into it, leaps off it, sometimes makes it up as she goes along; jumps onto it - whatever it is - with what we hope is the appropriate amount of protection.  In other words, I'm beginning to understand that caution is oftentimes taught and learnt - sometimes too well.  And that it may lead to fear, and limiting oneself and...and a type of (or many types of) paralysis.

I'm beginning to understand that many people who have children love them.  And want the best for them.  And that, having a child adds inexpressible meaning to one's life that simply cannot be realized through any other...experience.  I am beginning to understand that most parents think their children are special and are really princes and princesses - even if the rest of the world, shoot, even if the neighbour, mightn't think so.  I am beginning to understand that parenting really does not come with a manual - no matter how much "they" try to prepare you for it - and that new parents just try their hardest to get used to, and make the best of, the new addition(s).  I'm beginning to understand that some fail miserably at this and some manage quite well - and many fall in-between.

I'm beginning to understand that I have never lost in loving. And, my choice of "loving thickly" has always been the right one.  Hmmm.  More anon in the Pt. II of this :-)

I'm beginning to understand that my health ought not to be taken for granted.  And, even if I never used to take it for granted, (which I never did), it is possible for my body to do things that are neither pleasing, nor pleasant.  I recently increased my understanding of what it means to be in pain - all over! Enduring what felt like daggers clawing through certain parts of the body more than others; high temps; muscles on fire while being physically alone.  My understanding that "health is first and everything else follows" as expressed by my Bodysculpt instructor, Maha, increased significantly!  In those moments when I had nothing but a prayer and Jesus (ok, and some painkillers, and my family via phone), I began to ask the "What ifs?"  Admittedly, I didn't - couldn't - dwell on them for long.  I found more strength in being hopeful in Christ that He could - and would - make me well.  After all, I was beginning to understand the whole "His body was broken for me" thing.  Out of that came something else I quickly acknowledged as well.  Negative sentiments such as one uttered by an acquaintance; stteo: "And it's just getting worse, eh?" grated every nerve and sinew!  My quick response was, "No.  It's not.  This is just something different I have to deal with."  Upon a brief reflection, I realized that I do surround myself with people who have faith; who are positive.  Clearly, I had to declutter - and fast!

And, since then, each day gets better!  (Oh, so many uses for that John Legend song.)

I have promised to catch up with the 3rd entry for this month, by the end of the month.  I imagine that, life spared, it'll be the Part II to this heading.

Btw, today marks the 3rd Anniversary of this Blog.  As I'd long mentioned, I was inspired by Usain Bolt's performance at the Olympics in Beijing.  Sometimes, you just need a good start.  For me, it was a matter of becoming fearless and writing for public consumption (and criticism).  But, mostly, a matter of writing.  Just writing.

It's write or suffocate, remember?


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro