Climbing Out of That Quagmire

As I continue to focus on shining in this my blog's anniversary month, here's another side to shining. Or, to put it more aptly, a possible reaction to being in the presence of another's light. By now, you may have heard about Gabrielle Union's speech at Essence's 6th Annual Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon - in February this year - where she received the “Fierce and Fearless” Award. I was watching a program, in about June-ish, I think, and learned about the Luncheon - and the speech. The former is of little interest; the latter is of much. The bit that got me, was: "I lived for the negativity inflicted upon my sister actresses or anyone who I felt whose shine diminished my own [sic]." I'll simply say, yes, that does exist. Know what else exists? The triumphant climb out of that quagmire. It is doable. More power to those (men and women) who overcome that monster; face it head on; strangle it with their bare hands and beat the living daylight out of it!

Ahem. Umm, the speech, in its entirety, (from the Get Elevated Women's Conference site) is below:

We live in a town that rewards pretending. I had been pretending to be fierce and fearless for a very long time. I was a victim masquerading as a survivor. I stayed when I should have run. I was quiet when I should have spoken up. I turned a blind eye to injustice instead of having the courage to stand up for what’s right. I used to shrink in the presence of other dope beautiful women. I used to revel in gossip and rumors, and I lived for the negativity inflicted upon my sister actresses or anyone who I felt whose shine diminished my own [sic].

It’s easy to pretend ‘to be fierce and fearless because living your truth takes real courage. Real fearless and fierce women admit mistakes and they work to correct them. We stand up and we use our voices for things other than self promotion. We don’t stand by and let racism and sexism and homophobia run rapid on our watch. Real fearless and fierce women complement other women and we recognize and embrace that their shine in no way diminishes our light and that it actually makes our light shine brighter.

So many of us in this room are sisters. We don’t always get to see each other and its good to see you here today. Women who we’ve laughed with, cried with, and struggled with, thank you for not turning your back on me, thank you for not tap dancing on my misery, even when I wasn’t always returning the favor.

Claudia

www.cyopro.com

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At For-ty, I'm Beginning to Understand...

One of the things I'm beginning to understand is that I am only beginning to understand certain things.  There is still much ground to cover.  (I remember the saying: "God put me on this earth to accomplish a number of things.  I'm so far behind, I'll never die!" LOL!) Very few are the things that I fully understand - given hindsight and frame of reference and perspective and experience and what not.

I had a bout of illness the other day.  Apparently, when you're not in the best of health, that's one of the first and primary avenues to putting things into perspective.  All of a sudden, the bright light does appear.  It shines on everything around you, allowing you to assert and focus, with unparalleled clarity, on what really matters; what is important.  As it happened, this slump - yes, let's call it that.  Or, we could also call it this slipping under the radar, happened at For-ty.  Ah!  In time to help me shape my understanding of the necessity of being healthy, even as I began to understand a heck of a lot more things.

At For-ty (and, as I'd said just after celebrating my birthday earlier this year, writing it with the hyphen just makes it sound pre-tty), I'm beginning to understand that no matter how grown up I am, my mother will always be Mother.  We have the same age difference between us.  She loves me just as much as she did when she gave birth to me. She still has that maternal instinct.  Even when we disagree, I can count on her still liking me and loving me.  She is always looking out for my best interest, and, if I choose not to speak to her on certain matters, she finds other matters, until we get back to the matter at hand.  I'm beginning to understand that as long as she is alive, she will continue to pray for me and her support will be reliable.

I'm beginning to understand that my dad is prouder of me than he'd say to my face. (He does say it to others.) I'm beginning to understand that he prays for me and has high hopes for me and supports me more than I think, well, used to think.  Though, honestly, it's not something to which I gave a lot of thought.  That he is happy that I am a good role model for my sisters and that I help them when I can.

I'm beginning to understand that sisters are...my sisters are a mix of sisters and friends and mean more to me than my closest friends.  I'm beginning to understand that my closest friends are like my sisters. 

I'm beginning to understand the value of having a brother-in-law with whom "the family" gets along; who is liked.  Seeing myself through the eyes of someone coming from "outside",  I've accepted that sometimes I could do things better; be nicer - it helps me strive to be a better person.  Thankfully, there are more times when I am appreciated and admired.  And, at all times, respected.

I'm beginning to understand that having a niece that I can "borrow" for my "kid-fix" is priceless!  Especially so when that niece is, for like, 90% of the time, an absolute pleasure to be around.  The conversations we have are uncomplicated...simple and creative.  I'm beginning to understand that the world as seen through the eyes of a 2 and 1/2 year old is, shall we say, a different place.  Her view of the world seems to be borne out of her being one word: Fearless!  She grabs it, dives into it, leaps off it, sometimes makes it up as she goes along; jumps onto it - whatever it is - with what we hope is the appropriate amount of protection.  In other words, I'm beginning to understand that caution is oftentimes taught and learnt - sometimes too well.  And that it may lead to fear, and limiting oneself and...and a type of (or many types of) paralysis.

I'm beginning to understand that many people who have children love them.  And want the best for them.  And that, having a child adds inexpressible meaning to one's life that simply cannot be realized through any other...experience.  I am beginning to understand that most parents think their children are special and are really princes and princesses - even if the rest of the world, shoot, even if the neighbour, mightn't think so.  I am beginning to understand that parenting really does not come with a manual - no matter how much "they" try to prepare you for it - and that new parents just try their hardest to get used to, and make the best of, the new addition(s).  I'm beginning to understand that some fail miserably at this and some manage quite well - and many fall in-between.

I'm beginning to understand that I have never lost in loving. And, my choice of "loving thickly" has always been the right one.  Hmmm.  More anon in the Pt. II of this :-)

I'm beginning to understand that my health ought not to be taken for granted.  And, even if I never used to take it for granted, (which I never did), it is possible for my body to do things that are neither pleasing, nor pleasant.  I recently increased my understanding of what it means to be in pain - all over! Enduring what felt like daggers clawing through certain parts of the body more than others; high temps; muscles on fire while being physically alone.  My understanding that "health is first and everything else follows" as expressed by my Bodysculpt instructor, Maha, increased significantly!  In those moments when I had nothing but a prayer and Jesus (ok, and some painkillers, and my family via phone), I began to ask the "What ifs?"  Admittedly, I didn't - couldn't - dwell on them for long.  I found more strength in being hopeful in Christ that He could - and would - make me well.  After all, I was beginning to understand the whole "His body was broken for me" thing.  Out of that came something else I quickly acknowledged as well.  Negative sentiments such as one uttered by an acquaintance; stteo: "And it's just getting worse, eh?" grated every nerve and sinew!  My quick response was, "No.  It's not.  This is just something different I have to deal with."  Upon a brief reflection, I realized that I do surround myself with people who have faith; who are positive.  Clearly, I had to declutter - and fast!

And, since then, each day gets better!  (Oh, so many uses for that John Legend song.)

I have promised to catch up with the 3rd entry for this month, by the end of the month.  I imagine that, life spared, it'll be the Part II to this heading.

Btw, today marks the 3rd Anniversary of this Blog.  As I'd long mentioned, I was inspired by Usain Bolt's performance at the Olympics in Beijing.  Sometimes, you just need a good start.  For me, it was a matter of becoming fearless and writing for public consumption (and criticism).  But, mostly, a matter of writing.  Just writing.

It's write or suffocate, remember?


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

Breaks Allowed

So, for my two or so readers, my apology for not posting on the 8th.  Been terribly under the weather.  But, given that you're my biggest supporters - on and offline - you already knew that.

I imagine that there are those who'd file this under "excuses".  That's fine.  For, you see, as I've often said, I take many trips; none to where guilt is.  It would appear that in some of today's fast-paced environments (there are so many of them), one is not "allowed" to take a break; to pause; to get sick.  If that should happen, the worker is often left wondering whether these are strikes against them.  If you're the go-to guy or gal in your field/vocation, you might be left wondering how much of your credibility has been shot, since you've had to be off the radar for an extended time.

Of course, more often than not, all that's required is some communication.  Let your peeps know (as much as can be shared) what's going on.   Everyone needs a break from time to time; it's good for the body, mind and soul.  That's not so bad - even expected - when it's scheduled.  Y'know?  Like vacations and such.  It's those "that blindside you on some idle Tuesday" that will get you scrambling!  And worrying!  And wondering how ever, and in what light, are your fellow men and women, and followers and tweeps and connections the world over going to perceive you now!  I've heard the saying, "The brave ones play hurt."  I'm sure they do.  And, while that may be admirable and inspiring in one context, it also says in another context that one is not allowed to go off the radar just because one's hurt.  Try communication.  Let 'em know!

Today, given the electronic leashes to which many of us are attached, we remain accessible and in touch, even when we barely have the energy to speak.  After all, the fingers work, don't they?  But what of the mental and emotional and psychological etc. energy?  Surely, the fact that we are accessible doesn't mean that we should be accessed?  The fact that we are connected doesn't mean we should be contacted?  And, if we choose not to be; if we choose, instead, to just lay low and recoup, even in the face of deadlines and commitments, by society's standards, are we wimping out?   Good for those who communicate early the break they have to take because of certain other priorities - health, family, marriage etc.  Better yet when people understand that it's necessary.

The occasional inevitable pause due to, say, genuine ailment is, of course, not to be confused with "slacking-off".  There are those who opt to take a break when deadlines are to be met.  Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.  It is not of these that we speak.

I do intend to make up for that missing post before the end of August, my life being spared.  After all, it is the month of my Blog's anniversary.  Go figure! 


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro