From the No in NaNoWriMo

This post should probably have been titled, "Who has time to write when writing?" It's the final lap of NaNoWriMo and, I gotta tell you, I've been thinking about how best to post to the blog while not cut too much into my writing schedule. I work days. I write on the train in the mornings - send an email to myself - and I write longer pieces at night. So, at this point, to get to today's word goal of 1667, I need to write 1352 words before I start feeling sleepy. 

How best? Post an excerpt from the novel. It is therefore my pleasure to share the following slice with you - and to save time. ;-) And, by the way, this part is about a not-so-nice-guy.  There are not-so-nice girls, too. Now, who's ready for this story written, adventurously, in the first person?  

"When I'd got back to Canada after my ten-day trip, I got a text from him the very evening I got in, while I was still at the airport. I was waiting on my luggage when my phone alerted me. We planned to meet up the following day, a Sunday. I didn't have a car then. It was during the job-hunting period and affording a car was out of the question. I was living in Etobicoke at the time, off Old Mill Road. He was coming in from downtown Toronto. He picked me up at about two o'clock and we went out for a late lunch and caught a movie afterward.  Being summer, the day was super long and we hadn't made any plans to fill the time. So, we drove down to the Beaches and spent a couple hours chilling, alternating between the Boardwalk and a nice secluded spot lined with huge rocks, just past the dog playground area. It was in that nice spot, with water splashing up against the rocks, and the sparkles of the sun's rays catching our eyes as they glistened off the water beyond, that he leaned over and kissed me. At first, he was kind of hesitant. He hadn't asked, he had just leaned in. But, I had put up no resistance. My right hand was on the rock and my left was in my lap. It wasn't a long kiss and it wasn't a deep kiss. It was just a kiss. I remember him looking away right after and saying how we lucked out for it was such a beautiful day. I agreed with him. We left that spot and sat on the Boardwalk for a little while, people-watching and people-and-their-dogs watching, then we headed back. 

When he pulled into the driveway, he switched off the car. I wasn't quite sure whether I should invite him up. I had, still, only just met him. The majority of our interactions had taken place online and over the phone. Plus, he was not a Christian, as far as I'd heard him talk. I was attracted to him, for sure. But, I wasn't so sure that I wanted him in my home space just yet. So, there we sat for a few seconds until he broke the silence.

"You know, I always find that there's something about women who are in the church. They're always so sweet, but, if you ever get them into bed, it's like they just want to ravish you. It's like, because they haven't been having sex, when they get a chance to do it, they are so hungry for it, and I just want to ravish them back," he said.

My eyebrows were diplomatically raised. How many of these church women had he had? And, was I just another one for him to ravish? "What?" I replied.

"You know what I'm talking about, right?"

"I think so. But, I have no clue how that came up out of the blue - "

"It came up because, well, I'm sitting here thinking about how far we would go if you were to invite me in."

"Ahhh. I see. Well, I don't know that we're anywhere near that," I offered.

"Hmm," he responded. "So, what are your plans for the rest of the summer?" he asked.

"Oh, I dunno. Continue my full-time job of job hunting, I guess."

"You and the thousands of new grads."

"Yep. Can't be sidetracked by that. I know the timing isn't great, either. Hiring should pick up in the fall, but, in the meantime, you never know. It still pays to keep and it and be prepared for that one call. What will you be doing for the rest of the summer?" I asked.

"Well, I'll be getting married," he said, looking straight ahead as he said it, then glancing at me right after. I don't know what he expected to see.

"Congratulations," I said as I met his glance. I even managed a smile and a downward tilt of my chin. "When's the wedding?" I asked.

"Next month, the third Saturday," he replied. He was looking at me now, more engaged in the conversation.

"Well, all the best," I said.

"Thanks."

"By the way, when were you planning to tell me?"

"I have been thinking about mentioning it for a while now - "

"A while? Would that while have been before or after you talked to my parents and were all nice and chatty with them, talking about visiting them? Was it before or after you kissed me? Or, no. Was it before or after you talked about ravishing church women? Who are you?"

"Your parents are nice folks! Why would I not enjoy the conversation with them?"

"That is not the point, Stan! So, wait, all your talk about visiting, where, of course, you had me thinking that it's a trip I would be making with you - "

"I said nothing about you and I - "

"Again, that is not the point!"

"So, what is the point?"

"Don't act that way. Don't. The point is that you practically met and hung out with my parents on the phone for close to an hour, giving them a solid impression that you were interested in their daughter, and, quite possibly, meeting them and spending time with them in person. Then, after my sharing those precious persons in my life with you, you now turn around and slap us in the face? Dash their assumptions and possible expectations like that?"

"Are you sure you're not talking about your assumptions and expectations?"

"Mine, theirs, ours. It doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that you did all of this knowing full well that in a matter of weeks you are going to be marrying someone. Marrying someone! You're getting married, for crying out loud!"

"Listen, there's no need to get so dramatic? It's not as if you weren't having a good time as well," he said.

"Why would I not? Of course I was, but I am not the one with the hidden knowledge that you are committed to someone else? And about to make an even stronger commitment?"

"I don't know where you have been living but these things happen all the time. Sometimes a guy just wants one last fling before he makes that permanent commitment, you know? Some women do it too. Don't act like you don't know this."

"First, I have been living away from the likes of men like you. Second, I am not one of the women who would ever do that, or do it to another woman's fiancé and third, I have to go."

I let myself out of his car and hoped to God he would not follow me to the door. There were two sets of double doors to the apartment complex. I just needed to put in my code for the second set, get through them and close them behind me. He didn't follow me. As a matter of fact, he didn't even wait until I got to the second set. Once I was inside the first, he drove off.

When I'd reached inside my apartment, I sat in the living room for a while, allowing it all to sink in. It hadn't quite sunk in before I started to cry. I thought then that I must be wearing an invisible sign or something - invisible to me. I got up and, as the sun shone in my bedroom, I lay across the bed, hugged my pillow and cried.  

When I'd finally got a job in the fall that year, I set out for downtown Toronto for the first day back at work in how long. I had thought of Stan on and off for months after. For some reason, in the night and earlier that morning, I thought of him again and how bad he had deceived my parents and me. Maybe I thought of him because I was setting out to work and, deep down, I wanted to show him! Whatever the reason, he was constantly on my mind. I mean , if it were just me, I would not have felt as awful as I did. But, my parents had been dragged into this conniving scheme so innocently. And, I partly blamed myself for it. As the train's light came down the dark tunnel, I couldn't help but feel that if he were ever on the platform with me, at that very moment, I would time the train. How I felt like I would push him off, just in that split second. Then, I'd quickly make my way through the crowd and up the escalator two steps at a time. I would turn my fall jacket inside out, pull my scrunchie out of my hair and ruffle it up a bit. Then, I'd make my way down the other escalator and get lost in that crowd. There are cameras all over. If I did happen to get caught, guess it would mean an early retirement with three square meals a day. As I came out of fantasy land I knew that I didn't really feel like killing him. I just wished him dead."

Oh, before I forget, I gotta say this as a reminder. The above excerpt, like all my blog's content, is copyright material. While I gladly permit sharing of the link to the blog, please don't share, in whole or in part, any of the content without my written permission. Thank you, kindly. 

Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

The WriMo and the Reason

I'm back in NaNoWriMo. That's National Novel Writing Month for the uninitiated. :-) It's my third year where I get to write a novel/novella of at least 50,000 words in the month of November. Zowie! Yeah, I'm that overjoyed. No, really. You may have heard the saying. "Writers don't need time, what we need is a deadline"? Well, it's kinda like that.

And, that's why I'm back - to feed off that push; that oomph! NaNoWriMo has helped me with the discipline for routine writing. There's a target word count per day - or night, in my case - and it helps keep me on track. (I had extra words in my "word bank" on the US presidential election night! Didn't let it interfere with the writing, though. But, I had 'em, just in case. By the way, congratulations, Mr. President! All the best to you and the US of A.)

From the past two WriMo events, I've had practice in how to craft a story and hold it together over a longer stretch. This time, I have a feeling I'm gonna go past the word count goal. And, if not, I'm thinking I'll have a bit more to write even after it's done. I've basically tuned out the writing advice on Twitter, etc. The last bit I faved said, "All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know." (Ernest Hemingway) And I thought, if I write one true sentence after another, this should be good. The other before that was, "Work on a computer that is disconnected from the Internet." (Zadie Smith). Brilliant. So, that's what I do.

When I mentioned to a friend of mine that I was doing NaNoWriMo again this year, he said stteo: "I believe you still have that #1 Best Seller in you. Just write with your heart and soul. You have been writing with your heart and hand; write with your heart and soul." Just...wow!

So, having prayed about it and asked the Holy Spirit to write through me, that's what I've been doing since November 1.  I imagine it won't be an easy read for some. But, I believe it will be a must read for many.

Cover me, oh God. I'm going in.


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

Wrote a novel in 25 days

Purposely omitted the exclamation sign in the title. For, by now, it's not about an announcement, per se. (OK.  One more peek at my Winner badge...)

It really is more like a quiet and sobering realization. Imagine taking up the challenge to write a novel of at least 50,000 words in 30 days, on the 5th day in! At the start, I was behind, but knew I wanted to do it anyway. I went at it with the appropriate number if butterflies in my stomach.

The organizers (NaNoWriMo)knew what they were talking about wrt the reliable muse of public humiliation. That helped. But, in the end, what did I learn? About writing? About my ability? About relationships?


ABOUT WRITING
Writing a novel is hard. It is like ... well, it's UNlike anything else I've ever done. (I hear it's like giving birth, but I don't have first hand experience of that yet.) First, you wonder, why did I set out to do this again? And, after you've convinced yourself that it makes sense to do it, (for whatever your reason), you find that it's harder than you imagined. You then pause, having begun, (and knowing that others are watching you try to accomplish the feat), to ask yourself whether you really like writing or whether you like the IDEA of writing or being a writer. (Gotta say, it's a lovely idea.)

Once you've convinced yourself that you are indeed a writer and you don't just like the idea of writing or being a writer, you proceed. And, at some point, it hits you, you are not alone in whatever state you may find yourself. Even the best of the best; the New York Times-bestselling authors; the Scotiabank Giller prize winners; former WriMos et al, have gone through similar gut-wrenching, daunting, black-hole-engulfing feelings. It's a myriad questions and anxieties and what not. And you still have to keep at it, even when you feel you're making 10 steps backward for every one page finished; disliking the very story you're writing...


ABOUT MY ABILITY
I was careful not to write "about self-discovery" - with good reason. This, however, deals with discovering - and not in a Chris Columbus kind of way - that I do in fact have that thing in me to complete a book. Well, it's not one thing, (although there is one thing that is essential without which I couldn't do it), but a number of things working in tandem. Having believed for a looong time that I am a writer - so many people have told me, they couldn't all be wrong; I began to embrace the evidence myself a while back, too - I knew I could achieve that feat in one fell swoop. So, it was a personal challenge; an extraordinary 'note-to-self'. And, in the end, it was done. I discovered the ability to do something I had never done before.

What does that mean? For one, I now feel way more confident in helping my dad write his book. That one has been a long time coming. Two, I am confident that I can write another novel and another. Having opened my eyes and mind to the lessons and tips along the way, I have even begun to think that perhaps a collection of short stories is (finally) in order. The moral of the story? They're all within reach. Just need to extend my hand - even if it means a bit o' tip toe effort - and grab 'em!

I recently changed my @cyopro Twitter profile text (Yes. Again.) to read something along the lines of 'only you will ever be you and let's use our talent to the last drop.' I think it's important - and possibly, life saving - to resolve and take the necessary steps not to die with it inside. So, even before all this when I was encouraging people to be the best they can; say what they have to; breathe... and all that, it was against the backdrop of leading by example. Not just talking the talk. To roll the sleeves up and do it can be so inspiring to others. Now, I smile when I realize that I've done that. And, sometimes, we just need to be inspired.


ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
Ummm...these don't end just because you're writing. Relationships, like life, continue irrespective of whether you are writing, thinking about writing or thinking about what to write. The quality of them might change just a tad. By that I mean frequency of calls and get-together (and knowing that the people from the gym might call, again, 'cause long-time-no-see!) and such. But, the ones that really matter? The relationships with your mom, your dad, your siblings, your tightest friends (not the 500+ on fb - not knocking it, just sayin'), remain solid. 'Cause they know you. Well. They understand that your 'free' time is devoted to writing and schedules are made around the writing. They occasionally enquire on how it's going but not so often you feel annoyed, especially when you haven't met your word-count for the day. They are supportive and helpful and are your biggest cheerleaders and critics - sometimes embodied in the same person. (Right @MizDurie?)

In short. They get it. They get you. And there is glorious comfort in that.


SHOW UP; LISTEN UP; BRUSH UP
So, I've tweeted about my little challenge for December - to read one novel per week for the month. The idea is to tap into the beautiful works of my fav authors and see where and how mine falls short.  I'm on it. Now reading Robin Cook's "Vital Signs".


The idea of my novel stemmed from my idea for a play. So, there are three things I'm working on now, as I seek to use my God-given talent well - the novel, the play and the book of short stories. This doesn't mean other projects are excluded. Nope. Like I said, "to the last drop."

And, as has long been my main concern about that to which I put my hands: "Do I make Him proud?"


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com

NaNoWriMo and me

It's important to me to keep my blog appointments - especially when I have something to say. And that's the only reason I'm doing this at 11:20PM. I have a few ideas that I've penciled in my handy notebook. However, I believe a better time to address any of them, would be in the next post - all being well.

Until November 30, 2010, I will remain caught up in the NaNoWriMo challenge. Just a couple more days to go; just a few thousand words to go. I've sent my mom and a sis a first-read copy. Hmm. Think I might put a few of those ideas on ice and, in the next post, talk about the amazing and ability-discovering adventure that this novel-writing challenge has turned out to be!

My! Who would've thunk it?


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

Three questions about being “in the know”

(Talking about the individual here – not businesses/organizations.)

When was the last time you were online - not counting right now? How much time do you spend online everyday? If your job requires it, totally understood. If it doesn’t, how much time would you say you dedicate to surfing or communicating or researching? My guess is, a heck of a lot. (Not very scientific but, you get it.)

Imagine a day away from any Internet connection. You might still have your laptop because, like me, you just have to keep writing, having taken up the #NaNoWriMo challenge. But, I’m talking about no net! Now, what would you do on that day? (Without, you know, tearing out your hair or biting your nails the whole time.) How would you spend your day? Could you possibly enjoy it - especially if you were not on vacation?

DO I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING?
Between the Internet and the innumerable media houses – including electronic and print – there is the foreboding feeling that I have to know everything! “They” try to convince me that I simply must know what is happening in every country in every field with every head of state, celebrity and their children and friends and followers!!! And if I don’t know, then, to the rest of those who are riding this train, I am totally off track. "They" wouldn’t let me near an “intelligent” conversation.

But, like, seriously? All those sites that we surf and channels we skip and pages we flip through, what if we should consciously take in everything being thrown at us?! Jeesh! My heads feels heavy just thinking about it.

So, no, I don’t need to know everything. Certainly not that the couple showers together twice a day. No, wait! Let's see just how much info our Agenda-Setting media, who won't be bested by any ol' Tom, Dick or Harry with a cellphone, will be pushing down our throats about the royal-wedding-to-be! Sick of it yet? I think the sensationalism of "commoner weds royalty" has been downright diluted because, well, we've been through the Charles&Camilla saga. No lesson learnt from the hounding of Lady Di? What gives? And that was a time when information sharing, compared to today's real-time, was still in the Stone Age. No matter how glamorous some make it sound; no matter how sensational; no matter how cute; no matter no matter no matter. I do not necessarily need to know. I do not want to be consumed by it all and lose myself in the process. So, I choose. And I live with the consequences of those choices.

DO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I THINK I NEED TO KNOW, NOW?
And what of those things that I do need to know. (Not even the “I’d like to know.” We’ve skipped past that. For some semblance of guidance on it, see above and apply as required.) But those things I need to know? How bad is the world going to turn out if I don’t get the news the very second it falls? I mean, really, can’t they wait? Well, in truth, some of them really can’t but, a good deal of them sure can! And that right there is a part of the issue. It has got that much more difficult, with the advent of info at the touch of so many buttons on so many instruments, to determine, beforehand, what is urgent and what isn’t. Not until you retrieve the info you know you needed, and thought you needed now, do you realise that, y’know? It could have waited.

AM I MISSING SOMETHING?
What am I missing while spending an inordinate and egregious amount of time online – in any shape, size or form? Life. Well, a chunk of it, anyway. Won’t know how much until later on, I can just feel it. Better shape up now, then. I did say “inordinate and egregious.” Because being online and in the hub of information hubs has become a part of the way we live. So, there’s no getting away from that. We’ve created this monster and now have been conditioned to feed it in order for us to sort of live without the stress we would not have had in the first place, had we not gone (this far) down this road. (And we will be going farther).

Here’s to those of us who maintain solid, healthy, beautiful offline relationships with people that we can hug and kiss and smile with and sing to every so often. Peace, beauty, happiness and love to you!


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

My two reasons for joining the NaNoWriMo 2010 competition

Have you ever decided to do something, knowing that other people would be watching or somehow become aware of the outcome? You know you’d be on the hook? Think back. Did you do it, eventually? Why? Why not?

I don’t have stats to support the percentage of people who procrastinate on a daily basis; take up challenges in public and never finish; do finish…that sort of thing. I mean, where would I find those anyway? Yahoo it? (LO real L!)

Imagine that you’ve decided to enter a marathon – doesn’t matter which or where. Maybe, say, 99% of the people don’t know you; have never heard of you; don’t care. However, your inner circle of family members, friends, relatives, you know? The people who really matter? They know! Oh my gosh! They so know. They’ve witnessed you practising and, especially if it’s for a ‘cause – have hit up their own friends to sponsor you in your venture. So, even more people know.

Well, more often than not, those within your inner circle – and a few others – will be lined up or watching on TV or linked by BBM, Twitter, FB etc. to remain tuned in to how you are doing. Or, shortly after, to find out how you’ve done.

NO PRESSURE
The NaNoWriMo, which I learned about after the month of NaNoWriMo-madness had begun, is kinda like that. I’ve already told a few people in the inner circle, the 40-odd FB friends, and the 20-odd connections on Twitter. (Way too much pressure to embrace the concept of people following me. Reminds me of a saying by Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin: “There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them!”) Anyway, that’s the lot. Oh! And now you, the reader of this post.

Now, having started, I have to continue.

THE REASONS (in no particular order)
1. I rock
I try to keep in mind a few tips that the organizers wrote in their confirmation email after I signed up: “You rock for even trying!” That doesn’t give me an out; a sugar-coated pat on the back to say, “There there! It’s okay if you don’t finish in time.” No, what it says to me is that they get it. They get that writing is sometimes as easy as breathing and for the other 99% of the time, it’s as tough as a diamond. (Yes. On purpose – ‘cause I imagine the oohs and aahs when it gets done.) Someone said they wouldn’t wish it on their worst enemy; another, that it’s 3% talent and 97% staying away from the Internet. You get it.

2. The discipline
This venture is actually helping me hone the discipline I need to write better. So many times I’ve had to make a note to self: “You’re a writer.” True. There have durations of quiet; silence; stillness on the writing front. Nothing for the public. My best attempt at publicly keeping the consistency and regularity has been this blog. And, that was after I convinced myself that while I wouldn’t be pressured into saying just anything simply because I blog, I must have a point of view on something!

I’ve written books of poetry, short stories; a book – all unpublished. I’ll get ‘em out. Somehow. The writing I hold most dear, however, is my journal/prayer journal (it metamorphosed) spanning the last 25 years or so. Still at it; still loving it.

November 5, 2010 was my start date for my novel. The thing began on November 1, 2010. No worries. Instead of the 1600+ words recommended to make the deadline, I need to be doing more than that now to catch up. As it is (joyfully) turning out, I’m writing an average of about 2200 words per day. At that rate, I should be back on track in about 12 – 14 days. Do the math. No, serious, do the math.


3. The competition
Especially that I’m competing against myself. That’s how I put it, anyway. I just need to finish this novel. According to the rules – “Unless, I’m wrong, which, you know, I’m not” (Moooooonk!) – to finish (writing a novel of at least 50,000 words) is to win.

I like the part where they talk about shutting up your “inner editor”. He can be so noisy –and I don’t know why mine is a ‘he’. They remind us that December is for editing; just write with “wild abandon!”

Now, did I say two reasons? Anyone who knows me well, knows I’m math-challenged. As I tweeted the other day, I no longer cringe when I make those (especially obvious) mistakes. Now, I could have just gone ahead and replaced the two with three, but, where’s the fun in that? How would I have got that beauty of an opportunity to refer to my tweet? (Heh heh.)

To NaNoWriMo! To Victory! Haroo!


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro