What to Expect When You're Expecting to Be Published

Yeeaah. I don't know what other soon-to-be-published authors feel with mere weeks to go before their first book is published, but, right now...

Ohhhh myyyy Godddddd! My first book is coming out soon and people, like, real people, are gonna read it!! What if they do read it??!! Uggghhh! What is that rumbling in the pit of my belly??!! Wait. What if...oh no! What if nobody wants to read it??!! What if people don't read it?! Or, what if they read it and they think it's crap??!!

What is that rumble?

Ah, yes. The fluttering of so many butterflies. And I'm constantly whipping them into V-formation.

Neither my image - nor my butterflies.

Seriously, it cannot be that others are as cool as a cucumber in times like this. No way. There must be a heavy dose of adrenaline coursing through the veins on any given day - and twice on Sunday.

Now and then I think, "I did it. I really did it." It may be crap, but it's my crap. (Umm, that didn't come out the way I had it in mind.) Point is, we are constantly bombarded by life-affirming and ability-affirming quotes and memes and books and speakers and influencers and and and... We hear and read so much about moving forward against the odds; facing your fears; winning; taking a leap; go for it, etc., etc. Inevitably, though, after we reach our goal, or, if after much effort we fall short, as night follows day, some will find something to pick at. It comes with the territory.

This is not to say that as creators, and humans doing, we should not be open to getting frank feedback about our work. Very few get it right the first time around. So, we "tek telling" as the Jamaican expression goes, and work toward better. It is to say, rather, that the naysayers we have always with us. "It's what it's" - as a funny tweep wrote the other day. Lol!

Fear. The fear of not getting it right. The fear of people laughing at what we've created. The fear of what people will say. Fear in some shape or form is what keeps us from starting, doing, finishing. Know what? Do your dream because: (1) It is yours to do. No one else in the world can do your dream like you. (2) Some people will always have negative things to say. It's like it's in their DNA. Plus, they don't matter. (3) You will feel good, real good, after beating the fear and doing what you set out to do! I promise.

This book is rather personal - and telling. As one reviewer had said, by the end, readers will feel like they know me. Still not sure whether I'm ready for that reality. But, it is written.

They will know this book is about life and love and heartbreaks and that...that I dared to get back up. Every. Single. Time. And hope. They will know that, although it often feels like Love has kicked the crap out of me, I'm still here. (I feel a voice-over coming on: We the unbeatable, do the "impossible", and remain hopeful "in the face of aridity and disenchantment.") I've made the choice to embrace the good and be inspired by the joy of those close and not so close; to hope that, come what may, I will always choose to live fully in each moment.

Hope.

I hope in God to lift me and set me up upon a rock; to make my feet like hinds' feet; to make me mount up with wings as eagles; to restore to me the years the locusts have eaten... Hope is a good thing. Where I place it is even more important. Many don't mix their creative work with worship. I do. I am, after all, blessed and highly flavoured. Chocolat. To God be all the glory for His favour and His hand upon me and this writing journey and this new book. And the new website. (It's getting there.) His thoughts and actions toward me are terrible, awesome, wondrous, and beautiful. He is about to blow my expectations of success - millions of copies sold worldwide; published in several languages - and my dreams of positively touching lives, out of the water! #ExceedingAbundantly. He loves me, and if I knew nothing else, that would be enough. But, I also know this: He is holding my heart. 

Funny, at this point in the post, I don't feel as anxious as when I'd started. :-)

Here's the thing: If I'm not gonna dream big, then what, pray tell, is the point of dreaming at all? I dream big (and in colour) to the point where it sounds ridiculous - and scary! And, I put in the work, too, and continue to do so. I'm not just referring to the decades of putting pen or pencil to paper. I'm talking about the more recent writing, and editing, and working with the publisher who said they'd like to work with me. I'm talking about finding... no, making time to write. I have a full-time job which, occasionally, has me travelling. I've whipped out my phone and got to writing during my morning and evening commute on the GO Train; at lunch; at work (shhh); on vacation; on the plane en route to my vacation destination; on staycation; at the park by the Lake; in the bathroom (don't ask); in bed... I have even been awoken by a vivid thought and scribbled notes while half asleep, and, come morning, tried to decipher what the heck I had written on the post-it pad.  But still I write. #writeorsuffocate

I learned to reach out for help. I even know what it feels like to woman up and ask a complete stranger for their take on an excerpt. Why? I try to keep my focus on that which cannot be seen by the naked eye. I keep telling myself, it's going to be beautiful. And, I want to leave behind something bigger than myself; something relatable; something new.

One of the reasons I'd wanted to publish this anthology at this time, is that I wanted to...make room, if you will, for the new phase of love in my life. And, the new phase of me, too - ready to be loved thickly in return. Pretty brave of me to come right out and say that, but, given that this book is a go, well, I must get used to the idea of allowing those words to leave my lips. Plus, as I've learned, love alone is not enough. Deciding to be with someone for the rest of your life takes, among other things, courage.

Another reason is: I wanted for my mom to behold this completed work. She has been one of my main cheerleaders, and it would give me joy and pleasure to see her reading my book. Tee hee. And, just so you know, all my birth family and close friends have been supportive. They rock! Muahh!

Yet another reason: For one, or two, or three people - a girl can hope - who will be able to say, "I can relate." Yeah. Relatabilty.

Today marks the 7th anniversary of my blog. I've said it in this space a few times before, Usain Bolt's performance on the track at the Beijing 2008 Olympics helped to light a fire within. On Sunday, August 23, he sprinted to victory in the 100m at the World Championships - again in Beijing. He wasn't in top form, physically, and there'd been much talk of a Bolt/Gatlin face-off. At the finish, he came through in 9.79s to his main rival's 9.80s. Someone made the point on Twitter that he is mentally strong. I agree. One needs to be able to silence the demons and the negative voices in one's head; rise above the fray, and persist to succeed. I smiled in agreement and admiration as Bolt articulated this bit in a recent Puma ad: "...when he says, "On your mark," and I take a deep breath, look down the lane and...it's time to go." Love that. Live that.

In the end, I did it for me. It was time to share this part of myself. As I've said in the intro to my book, I do not have a story. I am a story. I have a voice.

Fourteen to Fortyish: The Formative Years speaks volumes. I truly hope that you will give a listen.


Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

And They're Off!

In a rather unceremonious way last evening, I submitted the manuscript for my anthology of poems to a publisher for review. It wasn't that it was anti-climactic. Rather, it was that the time had come and it was the thing to do.

I've talked a bit about the writing journey, and the recent steps toward the publication of my poems, in a previous post entitled...wait for it...wait for it...Yep! You guessed it. "Fourteen To Fortyish: The Formative Years" An Intro - of sorts. Further to that, I did more work on that body of work. I heeded the points and perspective Daniel was so brutal, yet so gracious, to share. Yes, I cut and clarified and snipped and smoothed accordingly. There were only a few instances where I parted ways with a suggested change in wording or phrasing. I was happy with them as I'd written them.

After working on the anthology for a while longer, I realized there was nothing truly stopping me from making that next step. Nothing, that is, except for the (expected?) angst of letting my poems go; setting them free into the world, and wondering how they would fare. After all, I'd been writing and compiling for decades. Still, I couldn't coddle them forever. I could keep adding a comma here and removing another there; add a space here; break a stanza there, and so on. But, it began to feel like stalling.

So, at some point, I decided February was the month to get some writing projects off my plate. I wrote a piece - well, edited and tailored a blog piece - for submission to a newspaper. I got that done last Monday. We'll see how it fares. I then turned my thoughts to the poems. A day or two later, I revisited the web site of the publisher I'd been in touch with - making inquiries and such. A day or so after that, I got an email touching base, wondering how my manuscript was going. Well, clearly, it was time. It is said writers don't need time; they need a deadline. So, I set the deadline - yesterday - and promised I'd submit it on February 7, 2015.

And, that's what I did!

I went over each of them one last time. I still made a few changes to the three or four of them I'd highlighted to revisit. By the time I was through, I was happy with those, too. I am yet to write the acknowledgements. But, I'd been assured that could come later. And, speaking of acknowledgements, even as I added the finishing touches, I got a little cheering on from sis, Durie. You know, I need to make a list. Really don't want to miss the folks I should acknowledge. I'm also working on a cover that properly conveys the coming of age/journey of life/character arc...you catch my drift. In the meantime, I'll be reaching out to three or or four people who've written some heartwarming things about my poems. I hope to get their permission to quote them on the back cover.

When the time came to hit Submit, I decided not to overthink it. I had done a lot of thinking and reading and praying, and even more thinking and reading and praying. It was simply time to do it. I let 'em go - for the publisher's review.

Of a truth, there's also been that feeling of wanting to make way for something new. Yes, life spared, there will be more poems. I'm thinking they will be borne of requited love. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. The last section of this anthology speaks to hope. I shared one of the poems from that section in the previous post. I think the next poetry book will continue in the vein where this one left off. Hope is a good thing.

And now, we wait.



Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

Some Writing Should Not Be Read

Some writing should not be read. That's a pretty forward statement for a writer to make. It is also a conclusion that comes weighted with much thought and second guesses. For, after all, aren't all writers on a journey? Each travelling a path which, although similar in some ways, is very different in others? The struggle is similar; the struggle is subjective; the struggle is real.

Given the uniqueness of the journey, and the fact that each of us faces the next step for the first time, our readers understand that we are prone to errors. We don't always strike the right note. And, if it's one thing that every writer comes to find out, it is this: Words are powerful beings. They take on a life of their own. They cut; they heal; they hurt; they mend; they build; they destroy. And when you think you're finally over them, a familiar scent can bring memories of words spoken - and how - rushing back, unheralded and unhindered. There will be blood. Yes, things will sometimes get real messy up in here.

But, while we understand the limitations and ramifications of words uttered and media used, we do not have to subject ourselves to crap. And I'm not talking about the saying, "Bad writing is contagious." I don't know about you, but I have to be careful about what I take into my system.Things have a way of...lingering, for better or for worse. So, if I simply get wind that a piece of writing is crap (not crappy - I trust you to infer the difference), I stay away from it.

To me, writing that puts some persons up only by putting others down; that makes a person question their value and self-worth and feel they're sorely lacking; that reinforces the notion that one group is better than another, is not the kind of writing that should be fed upon. It gets into the psyche and...and does things - ugly things. Quite simply, it may leave someone feeling that they are not good enough; that the quality of life they heretofore enjoyed is, all of a sudden, not up to par. I've written before about people making different choices and doing what makes them happy - Squeezing Life Out of Life. What they do and how they define success and perfection will very often not be the same as someone else's. One of my grandmothers used to say, "Everybody pot nuh boil at the same time." We will not all get what we desire at the same time. As a matter of fact, given our differences as...oooh, I dunno, human beings? We do not all have the same ingredients cooking in our pots. And, to boot, it bears recalling that tastes do differ. Imagine yourself coming to my house and telling me that the delicious spread I've spent all day preparing is not...'ow you saaay? (French accent) ideal, because it does not resemble my neighbour's? The struggle is real for everybody. And, if the struggle is subjective, then, so too, is the definition of success.

What really saddens me is there are those with much influence - well, if you can call it that, in a small pond where the little fish thinks he's a shark - who are looked upon as thought leaders. (A moment of silence as we let that sink in.) It is neither fair, nor right, for young minds to be subjected to, and shaped by, writers and spewers of ideas who translate and transfer their insecurities into words on a page to be consumed as truth by the malleable. Ideas that feed divisiveness; that drive a wedge between haves and have-nots; that cause young minds and hearts to feel they've failed even before they've begun, and slap the cheeks of unsung heroes, are unwelcome 'round these parts.

When it comes right down to it, are we too busy brown-nosing, or trying to be validated by someone, or serving the Kingdom of Me - population One? Or are we performing the random acts of kindness, or helping someone who can't repay us, or hugging a child, or stopping to smell the roses...? You know, like gems we love to post in our Social Media fiefdoms.

Sigh. We don't always get it right. But, I really believe it is important to try to make a positive difference. Like that quote by Woodrow Wilson says, "We are not here merely to make a living, but to enrich the world with a finer spirit of hope and achievement and we impoverish ourselves if we forget the errand."



Claudia
www.cyopro.com
www.twitter.com/cyopro

A Few of My Favourite Things - On Writing

August - the anniversary month for this blog. The 28th is the actual date, so I guess I'll wait until then to properly commemorate. Heh heh.

I had a few things in mind for these August entries. However, after much thought, I've decided to place them on hold. Essentially, they had to do with particular journeys. Why mention them? Well, consider this a placeholder of sorts. I do hope to share them in this medium at the appropriate time.

In the meantime, here are a few of my favourite quotes and memes that have inspired me along the writing journey. Many quotes and writings and tips and so on and so forth, may be found in books, on the Internet... It never ends!!! It's very easy to spend more time reading all that, than actually writing. Of the myriad, it's not often that a quote touches me right here - resonating with my own feelings; echoing the rhythm of the lines (poetic and prose) in my blood. It helps to know that the treasure lies not only in the destination - which is subjective, really - but also (if not more so) in the journey. And what a journey this is turning out to be!

Okay, here goes:

"My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way." 

- Ernest Hemingway

"Sometimes a book isn't a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Sometimes it's the only story you knew how to tell."
- Tahereh Mafi

"Don’t cast sidelong glances, and compare yourself to others among your peers! (Writing is not a race. No one really “wins.” The satisfaction is in the effort, and rarely in the consequent rewards, if there are any.)" 

- Joyce Carol Oates

"Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, “Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that is the whole art and joy of words." A glib saying. When the time comes to u at which u will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the centre of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy of words." 

- C.S. Lewis

"Writing: a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it." 

- John Green

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

- Maya Angelou

"A thousand nations of the Persian empire will descend upon you! Our arrows will blot out the sun!" - Persian  "Then we will fight in the shade." - Stelios (300)

"You think your work is crappy, but it's not. Show it to someone. You're better than you think."
- Claudia (Moi) :-)

"S/O to those who keep getting back up; whose vulnerability has been mocked, but...meh; whose courage yells at adversity: #YouAndWhatArmy??!!"

- Claudia

"Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit."

- Jeremiah 17:7-8, Bible (KJV)

Via @i_Author

Via @DeinaFurth

Via @AJAsh

Via @ShaunFrankson

Via @MyNextDance

Via @anilawhitney

Via @BSHMNetwork

Via Google

Via @Archnahr

And, a fav fav:

Via @Quotes4Writers

Claudia 

www.cyopro.com

www.twitter.com/cyopro

The Year of the Tomato

This year was The Year of the Tomato. Before you start racking your brain and doubting your knowledge of world and cultural affairs, please note that this title was solely attributed to my home. See, I had tried growing tomatoes for the first time last year. I feel compelled to add a bit of background here. Last year summer, I stopped in at Walmart to purchase a packet or two of seeds - in late July! The Walmart Associate seemed just a tad annoyed that I would ask for seed packets in late July. He let me know that they were no longer available or some such thing. 

But, I was intent on planting. So, Plan B. I got home and made a visit to my fridge. I retrieved two of the store-bought tomatoes and sliced and diced them. I then prepped the soil in my planter box and got to planting. The long and the short? The frost came just as the first blossom did. With a heavy sigh, I uprooted the foot-long plants. They were lush and green but getting by solely on looks was not cutting it. I promised myself to "try again next year."

Last spring, in haste, I made my way back to Walmart - in MARCH! I got all the accouterments for soil preparation and seeds/seedling planting. At the end of April, wanting to follow the instructions to a T, we finally got to planting. (I invited my 4yo niece to participate, thinking that she would enjoy making this journey; seeing her handiwork come to fruition and so on and so forth.) My sis took some pics of the "then," as I had a really good feeling we would have something luscious to capture in the "now." We used the bio-degradable seedling boxes - the ones that you simply stick into the soil outside/in planter box, when the seedlings are a bit grown. I gave my niece her tray of boxes and I kept a few for myself. 

Imagine my horror when, one evening, about three weeks later, (my seedlings having not yet burst forth, but, in an act of clumsiness), I knocked my trays off the work table. This, coupled with the fact that my niece's seedlings had started shooting up, was too much for me to bear. Tears came to my eyes. Why? Why my seedlings? Not to say I was wishing such ill-fortune for my niece's lot, but, after all that effort, I felt the little tomatoes had me beat. I pouted, stooped and scooped up the dirt and poured it back across the trays, refilling each. In the beginning, they had been carefully planted - two seeds in each. Now, I just didn't care!

About a week later, finally! A burst of white and green. I transferred them about two weeks after that, into the planter box. Little did I know the journey was just about to begin. For the next two and a half months, I watered those plants - and waited; talked to them - and waited; nurtured their soil - and waited; infused their water with Miracle-Gro now and then - and waited; tied them to sticks - and waited; changed to longer sticks - and waited. The plants were healthy and big and a few of them were getting all sort of entangled with their neighbours. Friends and family would come by and remark on how lovely they looked. And I agreed. I just wanted to add, "But, I'm not growing tomato plants! I'm growing tomatoes!" Where were the tomatoes? Why were they taking so long my goodness gracious meeee!  It got to where I just told myself that I was just interested in seeing where all this would lead. Even though I could not remember how long the back of the packet had said it would take for them to bear, there was no way on earth - except in the planter box at my home, apparently - should it take this long! But, I kept at it.

I remember it as if it were yesterday. I got home with the intention of transplanting some of them. Maybe they needed even more sunlight? I decided to dig up the ones not-so-entangled and move them to a garden area downstairs. Lo and behold! What did I see? The first blossom! I did my happy dance right there! Then, like any normal Twitter user (a probable oxymoron for another time), I tweeted a picture! You would not believe the joy that welled up in my bosom. Sheer joy. That was about July 10 (as if!) It was July 10. Then came another period of more talking to them - and waiting; watering them - and waiting, etc. On July 30, I spotted the first fruit - or three. Tweeted. I kept nurturing; they enjoyed an occasional shower blessing and more fruits kept coming. When they grew to, what I thought was, an appropriate size, I grew impatient. Again. On August 31, another pic. Another tweet. Another question: "Any day now, ripe?" 

By this time, this felt like a roller-coaster journey. But, I knew I could not hurry the process. I simply had to do my part and Mother Nature would do hers. Come a mere four days later, I spotted the first ripe tomato! The usual: happy dance and tweet. And, "Thank You, God!" I also sent pics to family members and friends. Sheer joy. Not to brag, or anything, but these were some sweet tomatoes! I gave away a few dozens to family and friends and had the pleasure of gracing my meals with my home-grown tomatoes.

Fall came. Many of the plants dried up - the circle of life - but, even then, a few fruits were still coming. I just kept reaping until the frost came.

In this The Year of the Tomato, I learned quite a bit about myself - and my writing journey.

The Voice

Speaking of journeys, this is the morning after the night before Tessanne Chin was announced the winner of NBC's The Voice. I recall reading something she'd said about this being a dream come true; a remarkable place to be on her journey; giving thanks to God for "exceeding abundantly above..." Loved that! Indeed, most dreams do not come true overnight. They take work and commitment - and it doesn't hurt to have strong family support. Congrats again, Tessanne! You are an inspiration to fellow Jamaicans, and people all over the world. I/we wish you all the very best on your new adventure. #WhatARide!

Claudia

www.cyopro.com

www.twitter.com/cyopro